ORIGINALLY POSTED IN 2012 ON focusonsimple.co
I read a quote yesterday morning as I was standing in line to have my taxes done. On deadline day. For the past three years. Because I get like an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand when things start to get away from me. Instead of dealing with things head on, I awefulise + put it off, pretending that I’ll be able to deal with it ‘later’, when I’m ‘better prepared’.
Better preparedness never really comes – it’s just an excuse not to deal with whatever the issue is. tThen fears start cropping up of people thinking I’m a big idiot for not being responsible + taking care of my $ish, or that I’ll find out that in some way I’ve made a huge mistake from which I’ll never be able to recover, or it just serves as a trigger to be consumed with all the ways I’m not ‘successful’ or not ‘as good as’…etc.
Even though every.single.time I meet with a problem, issue, challenge head-on, it is never as bad as I’ve made it out to be. Generally, things work out fairly well not even withstanding how good it feels to just deal with it, get it out of the way, + feel that weight lift off my shoulders.
Here’s the quote:
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
Iyanla Vanzant
Now…what this made me start thinking is that it’s not because I don’t know how to be responsible that, for example, I don’t get my taxes done on time, but that all these fears of screwing up, making mistakes, not keeping my $ish together, are tied to not feeling that I’m capable to take care of myself or my life.
I spend a lot of time trying to make sure that I am thankful + appreciative of what I have – because it is a lot. Love, family, friends, health…I am extraordinarily blessed + priviledged. But sometimes, when things don’t go well, + I’m awefulising, avoiding, hiding behind excuses, + then focusing on how #blessed I am – what I’m really doing is making it possible to not believe that I can do well + deserve to have really great things happen.
We’re told to be thankful + appreciative, even + especially in the face of adversity, but it’s so easy to believe that we’re not deserving when it’s just as important to believe that we are, as it is to be thankful.