I did an awful thing. I completely pre-judged Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. I’ve read + heard that she is a very successful women. She makes her family a priority + kicks ass in the office. But the mental image + personality traits that I automatically attributed to her, because of her success at home + at work, are nothing like the person speaking in the following TED talk. I assumed that because she is able to manage both a successful career + home life that she would be an incredibly disciplined (likely very true), take no-prisoners, put up with no BS, no nonsense type of person. I have no idea whether she is or is not any of these things. However, the mental image I conjured of this uber-successful woman was not at all approachable + was a type of person that I would never be able to live up to. Why? I’m not sure.+ I’m not sure why we, as women, are our own worst critics + detractors.

After seeing the video of her talk…it’s so apparent how incredibly approachable she seems. I’m not sure why this makes a difference. Other than it seems more possible to believe that if she could be successful at home + at work…well, maybe I could too.

+ what she has to say to women, we really need to hear.

1. sit at the table

2. make your partner a real partner

3. don’t leave before you leave

[ted id=1040]

I love what she says at the end.

I want my daughter to have the choice, to not just succeed, but to be liked for her accomplishments.

It’s not just about women becoming successful in a ‘man’s’ world. But dealing with the reasons why women aren’t keeping their hands raised, why we negatively prejudge other successful women, why we aren’t asking for a raise, why we aren’t believing in our own success – reaching for it rather than waiting for it to happen.

I recently bought a book called the curse of the good girl – we teach our girls to play nice, listen, accommodate, behave, nurture, care, all these good things – but to the detriment of their own needs + success.

While it is important that women feel free + capable to strive for their own success, in a way that values professional + family achievements, it is also important that the success of women in both spheres is not meant to come at the cost of men’s, but in correspondence with it.