Parents.
We’re stressed about the choices we have to make. Back to school? Stay at home? Have to work? Tough choices.
But let me try to relieve one part of this burden from your shoulders. Your children’s future will not be messed up because of this year or two of un”normal” school.
I say this as a parent of a kiddo going into grade 2, having registered him to return to class, watching local Covid numbers daily to see how they’re trending, + also putting plans in to place to home school while also working from home.
I say this with the perspective of having experienced the public school system, home schooling, starting at new schools three or four times, including starting at a new high school for my last year of secondary [not ideal for any teenager, if we’re being honest], university [taking 4 years to finish a 3 year degree, after failing one course in my first year pushing me out of my first program to choose another], college [taking 5 years to finish a 4 year degree]…basically I’ve experienced it all, + have taken my sweet time on a very meandering, circuitous route.
I’ve had two working parents, a working parent + stay-at-home parent, a working-at-an-office parent + a working-from-home parent. A working parent + a completing-a-masters-when-I-was-in-highschool parent.
For all of this, I can’t say my life is worse off for having experienced every possible aspect of schooling + parenting arrangements.
Now, I know this is special times right now. I never did school during a pandemic. But I sure am parenting through one. + I have to tell you, if school isn’t looking like how you wanted it to look for your kiddo for a year or two?…they’ll still be ok. They’ll be as ok as you are doing ok. Our path to the future isn’t static or straight.
If part of your burden right now is the stress + overwhelm of how this next year [or two…we don’t really know at this point] is going to impact your children’s future, please let that go. You can’t possibly harm your child’s future by a year or two of less-than-ideal school, because their future will be theirs to make of it what they will, + they are *all* in it together. There’s not one kiddo that is going to be unaffected by this time we’re experiencing.
Worry about their health + safety? I sure am. Worry about how to figure out financial well-being? Yep. Worry about relationships? That’s definitely a thing.
But don’t worry about your kid’s educational future. Yes, even if they’re in their last year of high school. Navigating post-secondary. These are unprecedented times. We’re experiencing this impact together…even as this impact looks different for each of us.
One of the best ways to safeguard how your kids deal with this experience is to take care of yourself. Find ways to let go of stress + worry, as much as you can. If we are worried + stressed, so shall our kids be. I know managing emotions can feel like just one more burden we’re being asked to think about. I’m meditating the crap out of my time. Playing Fishdom. Taking ridiculously long showers. Sitting + staring into our backyard, just to hear the birds sing. All of these things either help soothe the overwhelm + uncertainty…or centre + calm where I’m at. Because, believe me, this time is heavy af.
I try to think of the long game, when it comes to my son. At least 50% of the time 😉 Will what’s happening now be detrimental 10 years from now? 15? 20? Longer?
This won’t be the last hard time he’ll ever face. So…I can show him how to dig in, move forward, even thrive if possible when time’s are tough. Or I can leave him with a legacy of fear of hard things. Fear, being scared, worry, overwhelm. All part of the human experience. Feelings, emotions : necessary. How we manage feelings is more important than what we feel.
All easier said than done, + I don’t know what the *right* answer is.
I just know…we do our best with the information we have in the moments we have to make the choices we have to make…our kids will be as ok as we are ok. + if you’re worried about your kids having a year or two of messed up school…try to let that burden go. Your kids will be ok.
I do also have to say… This is written through the lens of a white woman, who also doesn’t have a kid with any special needs. I know I’m writing with a privileged lens. I can only imagine the extra burden of knowing your child needs more than you or the schools can currently give, just to get by, not even to thrive. For kids in homes where there is violence, abuse. I don’t have perspective on that, + my heart breaks for children in those situations. For kids who are systematically discriminated against, who don’t have access to the same kinds of supports. Or any supports. I have no business advising on how to look at this situation, how to feel about it.
No matter how we come through this time…I hope we have done what we can with the privilege we hold to make a better future for all kids.
I let go of any expectation of “normal” school. Education is more than the lessons they learn in class. Our teachers are truly irreplaceable heros. They’re carrying more than their fair share of the burden of this time. The lessons I’m going to keep foremost in mind over the next while will be kindness for ourselves + others, honouring our feelings + how we care for them, keeping on when things are hard, + doing what we can to make life, the world, a better place. It’s “pollyanna” but it’s true. + will likely be more valuable for my kiddo’s future than whether he ends up following + meeting the curriculum guidelines + expectations set by the ministry.
How are you navigating this time? What choices are you making? There can be no right or wrong, just the best choice you can make for your family. + that might look different tomorrow, next week, next month, six months from now… We’re doing our best, + that needs to be enough.